Mennonite Romance

Anna Yoder is from a Mennonite community and doing a year as a voluntary service participant. She works during the day as a teacher aide under the MVS program. Alan is not from that community but is a teacher at the school.

Anna is sitting at a table in the lunchroom, eating her lunch. She sees Alan approaching with his lunch and she smiles. 

Alan apprehensively: May I sit here?
Anna is surprised: Yes, you may.
Alan: How are you doing today?
Anna shyly: I am doing well, thank you. And you?
Alan: I'm doing great. I've heard that you're very good with the students.
Anna is flattered: Thank you. I enjoy working with them.
Alan: What brings you to our community?
Anna: I'm doing a year of voluntary service.
Alan: That's wonderful. Where are you from?
Anna: I'm from a small Mennonite community a few hours away.
Alan curious: That's interesting. I've never been to a Mennonite community before.
Anna is now feeling upbeat: It's very peaceful.
Alan: That sounds lovely. I could use some peace and quiet in my life.
Anna: I can imagine. Teaching can be stressful at times.
Alan: True. So what do you like to do in your free time?
Anna: I enjoy reading, gardening, and spending time with my family.
Alan: Me too! So, Anna, would you be interested in us grabbing coffee sometime?
Anna reluctant: I... I don't know.
Alan reassures: Oh, no pressure! Just thought it might be nice to get to know each other better.
Anna pauses: I think...that would be nice.
Alan: Great! How about Friday after school?
Anna: That works for me.
Alan: Perfect. I'll see you then!

They meet for coffee. Anna is a bit unsure how to take Alan. As the conversation stalls, he decides to ask about her faith.
Alan: So, if I may ask, how important is religious faith to you?
Anna: It's very important. It's a central part of my life and my community.
Alan: I respect that. I'm not as religious as you are, but I believe in something greater than ourselves.
Anna: That's interesting. What do you believe in?
Alan: I believe in a God and that he is behind the creation around us. I just don't know much beyond that.
Anna: I believe that too, but I have gone deeper than you in knowing God.

They continue to talk and get to know each other better. There seems a connection between them.
Alan: You know, Anna, I've really enjoyed talking with you today. Would you like to do this again sometime?
Anna: I think I would like to, not wishing to sound too eager.
Alan: How about next week? Perhaps you can discuss more about your faith.
Anna: That sounds wonderful, showing in her voice that she is keen on that.

They start to see each other more often, both at school and outside of school. They develop a close friendship. One day, Alan asks Anna if she would like to go for a walk in the park.
Alan: That would be nice.

As they are walking, Alan decides to open up.

Alan: Anna, I've really enjoyed spending time with you over the last few months. And I've started to realize that I have feelings for you.
Anna is surprised, but she realizes that she has feelings for him too.
Anna: I... I feel the same way, Alan. But my faith is much stronger than yours, and I wonder if that would be an uneven yoking. I know my parents would be concerned about that.
Alan: Oh, I didn't really give that much thought. I will now.

As their relationship grows, Anna begins to struggle with the conflict between her feelings for Alan and whether Alan will grow in his faith or if she will find herself drawn to a more secular way of thinking.
Anna: Alan, I really care about you, but I'm not sure if this can work. My community is very faith focused, and they might not approve of me courting someone from outside the faith who doesn't have a strong faith in God.
Alan: I understand, Anna. I would be happy to learn more about your faith.
Anna: I hope so, Alan. I really hope so. Why not go to a service? I can give you a time and address. Perhaps it's better if we attend separately so you can focus on the service. Within our community, I'd like to keep our relationship a secret for a while, while we see if things progress or not.

Alan goes to the services as suggested by Anna. The message focuses on the Bible and living a quiet, faithful life. Alan appreciates the message but wonders if it will change him that much.

One day, Anna's parents find out about Anna's relationship with Alan. They are surprised and concerned. Her father, Peter, asks for Alan's name and then asks about his faith, saying that this could bring challenges to a union. Anna takes his concern on board. 

Anna goes back to Alan: My parents know about you. My father... he is worried. He believes that for a relationship to be stable, both people must be walking the same path in the Lord. He doesn't want me to be lured away from that.
Alan: I don't want to be a source of conflict in your family, Anna. But I also don't want to lose you. If your father is willing, I'd be happy to sit down with him and answer any questions he has. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not, but I can tell him that I care for you and that I'm open to where this path leads.
Anna: You would really do that? I'll tell him what you said.

They meet, and her father Peter explains about life in the community and the differences in values to the world at large. Alan says he would embrace their lifestyle and become a member if, on learning about it, felt that he could conscientiously accept it.

Alan then attends services regularly, speaks with a pastor to learn more and reads up on their faith and life in a community. By now, Anna has finished her MVS and moved back home.

Contact between the couple is no longer happening, but Alan uses that to focus on learning without emotional distraction. Anna is then shown romantic interest from a young man within her community. She reaches out to Alan, and they discreetly meet in a park. She explains the situation and how her feelings are now torn.
Alan: Thank you for letting me know. The time I have studied has not convinced me that I could live permanently in a Mennonite community. If we were to be together, it would be outside your community.
Anna: Oh. And that's the part that scares me. If I chose you, I would be leaving the life I've known, my family and venturing on an unsure path for my faith. I appreciate your honesty. There is something you need to know. Anna pauses and struggles to come out with it. 

Alan: It's okay, just tell me. I'll understand.

Anna: A young man is interested in me. Martin is his name.
Alan: It hurts me to say this, but I think your future lies with Martin. You can have a husband who will be a spiritual head for you, a role that I may not be able to fulfill to the standard you desire. In addition, he can give you a life in a community that you know and love, close to your family.
Anna: My head agrees with you fully, but my heart is uncertain on this.
Alan: Have some time to think about it and let me know. If you want to come with me, we can get married and I will work hard on my faith. Stay, and it will hurt me, but I will respect your decision.

Anna's parents find out about her leaving the community to see Alan and wonder what the reason was. Her father Peter sits down with her and she explains the choice she is confronted with.
Peter: You have a young man in our community, Martin, who wants to marry you. Why are you not committing to this?
Anna thinks hard and long, her father Peter patiently waits for her reply: I guess you are right. It is the better way for me, us. I will tell Alan.

She lets Alan know and with deep sorrow in his heart, he accepts and moves on with his life. He can sense Anna's torn feelings. He hoped it would be different, but he also understands it is best for her. In that case, he accepts the painful reality, regardless of the personal hurt. Alan knows there will be love again, but for now, that is cold comfort. It was always a journey with an uncertain future.